The Things In My Head

Currently, there's a campaign run by the NFL called Play 60, where they urge all children to get at least an hour of exercise a day. I'm sorry, but when I was a kid we didn't need people to tell us that. If it was warm, you played outside until you got tired and if it was cold, you played inside until you got tired. Step it up parents, or I'm gonna break the XBox 360 and start lobbing dodge balls at your kid until he's not fat.

Google just launched their newest product, a tablet computer called the iPad. And here I thought that was going to be a female-oriented product.

Craigslist has a large amount of personal ads for people looking for No-Strings-Attached (NSA) sex. There's also a classified ads where people are selling everything from lube to shady warehouses. They even have an entire section of people willing to render 'services' for a price. Craigslist: Walmart for rapists.

Being on unemployment is fun. Now, when I show up on CNN, I'm officially 'part of the problem.' God bless America for giving me this privilege.

Many people refer to sites like Youtube as 'Timewaster Sites.' They feel the sites serve one purpose, and that is to divert people's attention from actual work. That is not true. The purpose is to allow us to upload endless videos of cats doing cute things (Keyboard Cat) because they can't do it for themselves. I'm not wasting time, I'm just helping out a fellow being without thumbs.

I've seen the Twilight moms and they scare me. Where has Chris Hanson been during this prolonged episode of "To Catch A Predator?

Why are parents now so scared of their kids getting hurt? I don't know why, but the generation of kids right after I was born seemed to be born into a bubble of overly sensitive parents. By the time I was in eighth grade, all of the playground equipment was plastic. What the fuck? Isn't part of childhood learning about day-to-day hazards and how to avoid them? You don't learn that with plastic. You learn that from sliding down a metal slide in the middle of August.

Ed Hardy is a fashion statement. That statement: "It was a one-night stand, but herpes is for life, bitch."

Miss America is coming up very soon and I'm very excited. Why? I love beauty pageants. Think about it for a moment. If your state elects you as their best representative, and you drop your batons on stage on national television and that was the BEST they had, we're allowed to ridicule your state forever. Sure, North Carolina might be full of hicks too, but South Carolina elected the dumb shit for Miss Teen USA in 2007 who answered a question about the failure of the American educational system by being living proof of that failure (I love South Carolina).

Andrew Gutin