Thoughts Which Occur To Me

These are just some thoughts/jokes. Most of them probably suck, but hey it's worth it to get my mind working. Enjoy... or not. I just needed to write:

Jesus probably had a lot of alcoholics in his entourage because of that trick he pulled with the water.

They've made a lot of childhood toys into films. Transformers was huge, G.I. Joe made bank and I've heard Battleship is coming. All I want is for Tim Burton to sign on to do a Trolls movie.

I once went on a date with a girl who, when I informed her that I was Jewish, asked if I spoke 'That Gibberish Language.' I don't even need a punchline after that.

If I tell you that your idea is stupid, don't take it the wrong way. Your idea wasn't necessarily bad. Perhaps you're an idiot and I just never noticed until now.

I saw a girl sitting by the pool tanning at my building. I went over and stared at her for a moment, but was unsure what to say, so I just stood and gawked. She finally looked at me and said "You wanna take a picture?" while giving me this really nasty look. I snapped back into reality and said, "No, I like mine more medium well. I'll be back in ten minutes," and walked away.

I'm pretty sure Wile E. Coyote would have starved to death by now.

Women love to watch "The Notebook" because it's passionate, romantic and sexy. Men love to watch it because whenever Ryan Gosling does something good on screen, WE get points. Ryan Gosling... my DVD wingman.

Eating disorders are scary. Obesity kills many due to diabetes and heart disease. Bulimics die due to malnutrition and the effects of their vomiting. Anorexics often get blown off cliffs in a strong breeze.

Cooking is a great way to express creativity. I say that because any other hobby involving knives, fire and dead animals tends to be frowned upon.

Blacking out is God's version of censorship when you're about to do something that stupid.

DJs take other people's music, cut the songs up and put them together as their own material. In academia, they call that plagiarism.

Scientists say that humans are one of the only species that has sex face to face. The thing is they say that like it's a good thing.

A friend of mine thought sushi was too expensive, so he decided to go fishing and eat what he caught when it was raw. In retrospect, sushi is much cheaper than diarrhea.

During the olympics, I want to let hungry sharks loose in the pools. Motivation is key and well... that'll teach you to lose so much time on the breaststroke.

The Sioux people are known for beating back the Americans at the battle of Little Bighorn. Apaches are known for being warriors the likes of which the world hasn't seen since. The Mohawk nation is known for a hairstyle. Fame is a strange thing.